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Monday, August 21

August Is Not For You... Or Me

If there was a Guiness Book of World Records record for lamest weekend ever... I win.

I have mentioned to some, but if you were not previously advised, consider this for you. It is hot. Hot like in hell. Yes, I know you had a heat wave in recent stateside history, but I wasn't there and it didn't happen to me so I am going to pretend that it never happened at all. And I will continue with my rant as if I know nothing of your pain and suffering.

Here in Japan, there is something called Typhoon season. It can be likened to Hurricane season as that is pretty much what it is but we must use a much fancier word than hurricane because we are very cool like that here in Japan - yo.

This is what I have learned about Typhoon season thus far. IT'S HOTTTT! AND DAAAMMMP! Did I mention hot?
Temperatures range usually around the mid 80s during the day and while I never thought the mid 80s were hot, I do now. As such, I have since ended my love affair with the south. Because this... just sucks. It may say 85 on the thermometer (and it doesn't even say that, it says some celsius crap of which I still politely refuse to acknowledge the existence of), the thermometer is wrong and my calculations are correct and it is really 450 freaking degrees farenheit. In the shade, I would say you could knock off shy of 15 degrees or so. This is all why I buckled and bought an umbrella meant strictly for carrying around in sunny weather. This umbrella has absolutely no value except to stop the sugar that I am from melting into a steaming puddle on the pavement.

To add to the fun of the hotness, the weather is a bit fickle as well, thanks to storms fronts swirling the ocean waters around us. One morning you wake up to gorgeous sunny weather with big fluffy, white clouds out of your bedside window. Only when you walk out of the hotel on the other side of the building a short fifteen minutes later, you find mad, black clouds and torrential downpours waiting to swallow you whole. All the while, the ground that is still blistering from the day before, is providing vapors of its own, leaving you caught with hot rain creeping down over your head and steamy puddle water rising up into your undies. And they don't make an umbrella for that. There are days where you will spend with intermittent bits of rain and sun of which I have learned a very important lesson... never leave home without two umbrellas... the sun one and the rain one... and keep them very close to your persons, maybe even strapping an extra under your skirt for save keeping.

Then lovely nightfall comes. This is when I will actually leave my room and walk more than ten feet to the parked car. I will actually walk the whole way to the bar! On my very own two feet! Nights are still hot but without the humidity oppressing your shriveled lungs. So really the only dampness then is from the sweating because I am out of shape and that bar was far, y'all! You can even sometimes catch a cool ocean (well, bay) breeze (well, if you are lucky enough not to be standing between two highrises in the city that you inevitably live in) on your evening walk.

Technically, typhoon season is June through September. Though the area around Tokyo really only has their season from late August through the beginning of September. The southern part of Japan is fortunate enough to have the beginning part of the season and leaves us with only the dribblets that run down the side of its cheek during that time. In all, Japan sees six to ten storms a year.

What this means to me, with regards to the season I dreaded the most before I got here, is that I walk around daily with very damp clothes stuck to my body and people don't like to hug me. I haven't actually seen the Perfect Storm yet... but it's probably coming. Soon.

What this means to you is just as important. As I have only been here the end of July and beginning of August, I would like to tell all potential visitors this. If you want me to show you anything, DO NOT THINK ABOUT COMING IN AUGUST. I know my birthday is the most important time of the year and you would love to bring me a pretty present but I will ask that you just save it for September.

If you do choose to disregard my words, this is what you will be doing during you time here... a 48 hour (or how ever many hours you think you will tolerate this) marathon of Rescue Me. Because this is what I spent my very, very lame weekend doing. We finished Season One in the late hours of Saturday and while we were out for food early Sunday, (food was the only thing that could drag us from the shelter of AC) (and even with that we caved and ordered pizza one day so as not to bear humidity's burden twice in one day), we bought Season Two and went right back to the room to continue in our stupor.

Heed my words. If you don't mind hours of mindless television, by all accounts, come and partake with us. But if you want to see anything in Japan, and I mean even me walking you just down the street I live on, then come another month. For the love of God.

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