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Monday, July 10

Back and Forth and Back and Forth Again

My head is spinning and my shoulders have now accumulated so many knots that I can’t put my arms down by my sides anymore.

I had it all together. I was in control. Ok, so maybe I yelled at a cop on Friday who made me turn left when I wanted to go straight. And maybe he threatened me a little. But did he scare me? Not in the least! I think I may have even yelled a profanity at him. But not until I was out of earshot. Am still a slight sissy.

But I am actually quite the maniac these days. I want to rip the heads off of baby squirrels. I want to drive 102 miles per hour in my rental care that I hate-hate-hate (needs to be said in threes) and weave in and out of traffic just daring someone to get in my way. I’m sure my insurance got cancelled at the time I requested and didn’t possibly get screwed up along with everyone else. I’m covered! I think! I just want to give a big flip off to every person that does me wrong. And most of all, I really want to scream.

And scream I did while driving down the parkway on Friday night. I screamed so long and so loud that I lost my voice. But damn did I feel better. Friday was just the accumulation of a long, hard, confusing week. Oh yeah, and I was hungover… again. Well earned if I may say so myself and a reminder of why I quite tequila years ago.

Really things weren’t going so bad. I was knocking things off the list left and right. I was saying fun goodbyes. I felt empowered. And even happy and excited for the end result of our efforts to be so near! Yet I wake up today on the very loathed airbed and realized that for the first time… that was STRESS... in my shoulders!… and not just that the damn mattress went flat in the middle of the night again.

What is the best cure for stress? Write a list of all the things you need to do and in what order and how they should be done and everything will be better. But noooo! Not today would it be easy. The list only made me throw in my mouth a little.

Then all day today, we went back and forth. KH calls… let’s keep the house and rent. He calls again… let’s sell because the bank says we can’t. Then another… but this bank said we could if we do a, b and c. Then… but we would have to pay x, y and z. Then… but we would make it back in taxes. Then… but does it really make sense to rent. Then… ok let’s sell.

Since the time we have found out we were moving, we have only changed our mind about selling about 300 gazillimabitchon times. (And yes that is a damn word. Want to make something of it?) We have even changed our minds more than five times some days. Do you know how ridiculously crazy we must sound to our realtor?

I am not a person who can handle indecision. I make a plan. I stick to it as if it were fly paper and I the Brundle. Once the plan is made, all that happens if a change is made is for me to wither into a kicking and screaming, psycho puddle. One might say I am inflexible. Really, though, I do have to disagree. Would someone inflexible decide that it was a good idea to move halfway around the world? Not a chance! Well… not unless they were aiming for life in Bellview.

So round and round we go and where we stop nobody knows. As of five minutes ago, we are selling. With only one week and five days left, there has to come a point that this madness stops. I vote today, dammit!

Of course… don’t be surprised if I change my mind tomorrow.

For now I am going to go home and clean out the rest of the liquor cabinet of the stuff that the movers wouldn’t take. To hell with mixers. Then when I throw up, there will be no telling if it was the stress or if it was the booze. Totally makes me less of an alcoholic, wouldn’t you say?


Anonymous said...

Hey. I can't imagine the stress you must be under right now but the end result is going to be so exciting -- and hopefully that excitement will overtake all of this. I have no idea what it would be like to live so far away. But living even a few states away, I can tell you I get lonely. I miss friends and the man I love. But it helps to hear that you are preparing to go through something similar. And, in the end, we will both be better people for it!

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