In Over My Head

Let’s play a little guessing game today, shall we? Now – Refer back to your school days and choose your answer wisely on this short quiz.

Which of the following did Kimono Karen do today?
a) Wake up in tears and call Kimono Hubby begging him to change his mind and ship our stuff back so we can say pooh-pooh to this Japan nonsense and stay right where we are at.
b) Eat a small jar of maraschino cherries for breakfast and then promptly throw them up.
c) Drop a large and heavy suitcase down the stairs assuring that her downstairs neighbor was alerted of the pretty sunrise taking place.
d) Back her monstrous rental car into a pole while pulling out of the hotel lobby area.
e) Take a shuttle bus the whole way around the airport only to go one level up… when she could have just used the stairs that she didn’t open her eyes to see.
f) Lean over to get a napkin and drop a ketchup and mustard smothered onion off her Whopper into her white leather Coach purse.
g) All of the above.

And only half a day down so far!

I have had my moments where I am overcome with emotion about this move. They have generally snuck up on me and gave me a big whallop in the back of my head. Like when the movers came to take our storage stuff away. It was the first time that something made this all very real.

Imagine my agitation when I woke up this morning and all that was left in our condo was me on an air mattress. KH had nicely moved just about everything to the trunk of the car already, quietly kissed me goodbye and headed off to work. It took a few minutes when I heard the downstairs door close to wake myself up and look around. He was probably no more than ten minutes down the road when I called in tears to tell him I changed my mind. A little too late now, he says. Says who?!?

Isn’t life all about these moments where we challenge ourselves to be greater than we are? To reach higher than we thought we could and do more than we thought we would? But what if everything we have been stretching and grasping for was always at our own front door? Does that make it a mistake then to be chasing a chance for something bigger half way around the world? Will this just prove that we already had everything we wanted or needed right here and didn’t need to reach more than an arm’s length away?

I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. Which, in a way, is a really good thing. I was starting to feel rather like an apathetic b*tch. Especially when people would break down in their own tears and tell me how much they will miss me being around and all I could respond with was an “oh, really?” It wasn’t that I didn’t care. It was just that this only feels really real on some days. And today… it felt totally real. In the here and now, baby! With ten days left to go, I’m feeling a little beleaguered. And a little sad. And perhaps a LOT terrified.

In the next week and a half, please keep reminding me that this was a good thing! Pretty please?