Nation Automation

Let’s just say that I am thrilled that we live in a time where you can get away without touching anything in a public restroom. Hooray to automation! Mostly.

In the Logan airport yesterday morning, prior to my lovely Diet Coke and therefore prior to any level of actual alertness, I had to use the restroom. As I walked in, I was happy to see that there was no door and just a series of tunnels to protect the innocent ears from flushing rackets. So only one door to touch before enter your own private chamber. And really… shouldn’t that be automated as well if everything else is in the damn bathroom? Someone needs to get on that. I digress.

I know that everyone has a routine to handle these unseemly public outhouses. I personally like the seat wipe and protector approach if the bathroom is relatively clean and relatively unused. Any other situation, I am the hover queen. In this instance though, I was TIRED! I couldn’t make my poor little chicken legs responsible for holding up any junk without its morning energy drink. So I spit shined away and unfolded my precious protector neatly placing it, followed by a second one for good measure. All set. Pants down and I am just getting ready for my business when…

WHOOOOOOSHHHH!

I removed myself just in time before being sucked into the vortex. Unfortunately, it ate my protectors in its haste and it gave me a slight bidet splash.

Still groggy, I didn’t immediately get irritable that Sir John just tried to eat me and sucked down my precious papers. I patiently (yes – me!) just got another two out and started over with placing my shield.

Laid the replacements down and ready to just make contact when what do you know…

WHOOOOOOSHHHH!

You would think I might have learned a lesson the first time. I didn’t, but with a stamp of my foot and slightly less than a patient attitude, I prepared another two replacement replacements. This time staying far back from the automatic detector.

I finally achieved full success.

I’ll give you one guess what wouldn’t happen a third time, though. That’s right. Apparently, it quit! I waved and waved and waved in front of the malicious blinking dot. Nothing. Waited a minute and waved again, even giving it a little flick this time. Nothing.

I finally had to actually flush the maniacal machine myself!

At least the sink and towel dispensers worked in the proper way… if you call gesticulating madly, and flinging water onto the other people gathered at the sinks, proper. Perhaps there are few more kinks that need to be worked out with these machines. Make them smarter but not necessarily Terminator smart?

Anyway, so much for our nation’s automation.