Fear #1

My biggest fear in this whole moving process was that someone would get sick when I moved away. I would say goodbye and never see them again.

My mom called last night to tell me that my grandmother has cancer. Has there ever been another word in human language that is more horrifying?

At this time, the word is that she won’t have the surgery. She is refusing. The family is trying to talk her into it. But just shy of 88 years, the woman certainly has the prerogative to her own mind.

She’s a tough lady. Always has been. But I know that there is love there. So very much of it and it goes deeper than she would ever have anyone know.

While I hate this turn of events, I can't even stand to think about how I won’t be there for my mom during this long road that lies ahead. Because we all know how this goes. It isn’t easy. It’s so very damn hard.

I don’t even know what to say to anyone else or even myself. Except I hate cancer. It certainly puts many things that have been causing me anxiety into a different perspective. Who cares about my silly list of things to do? Taking care of my family will always be my number one priority.

But for today, I think I will just cry.