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Friday, June 9

Fear #1

My biggest fear in this whole moving process was that someone would get sick when I moved away. I would say goodbye and never see them again.

My mom called last night to tell me that my grandmother has cancer. Has there ever been another word in human language that is more horrifying?

At this time, the word is that she won’t have the surgery. She is refusing. The family is trying to talk her into it. But just shy of 88 years, the woman certainly has the prerogative to her own mind.

She’s a tough lady. Always has been. But I know that there is love there. So very much of it and it goes deeper than she would ever have anyone know.

While I hate this turn of events, I can't even stand to think about how I won’t be there for my mom during this long road that lies ahead. Because we all know how this goes. It isn’t easy. It’s so very damn hard.

I don’t even know what to say to anyone else or even myself. Except I hate cancer. It certainly puts many things that have been causing me anxiety into a different perspective. Who cares about my silly list of things to do? Taking care of my family will always be my number one priority.

But for today, I think I will just cry.


Anonymous said...

This was the very reason I needed the "pick-me-up" of your blog yesterday. As I was sitting here at work in tears after Mom IM'd me (yes...can you believe it? She IM'd me with this info!!!), I went on to your site to get a few laughs. I was thinking of you last evening and the unknown of what lies ahead after you leave the states. But just think positive for now. Perhaps we can all convince her to go through with the surgery (if her heart can handle it) and we can look forward to a happy ending instead. Keep your chin up!!! We'll get through this one too!

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Karen. You know that I just went through this and it is never easy. Crying helps and spending time with family when you can. You are a great daughter and source of support for your family no matter where you are.
Love you,